Most people start the new year filled with elation and hope, determined to set and achieve massive goals.
You are going to find your soulmate, get that promotion, make a million rand and lose 20kg.
Statistically, by the end of January, most people have broken their new year resolutions or worse still, didn’t even start. All is not lost and you don’t need to wait another 11 months to set new resolutions.
The reason most people fail to fulfil their promises to themselves is that we rarely take the time to understand our habitual behaviour.
If we could self-reflect and understand our own thought processes and habits, perhaps we can experience greater shifts in the direction of all of these goals.
Let’s say you decided that this is the year you will meet your soulmate.
If you take a look at your habitual behaviour last year and see that you spent most of your time focused on work, your small group of friends and perhaps lots of hours on the couch watching your favourite series, then those habits are not going to miraculously attract your soulmate to you.
Can you take the time to reflect on your own beliefs and habits? Observe yourself and listen to your inner chatter. Are you saying things like: “There are no good men / women left in the world” or “Men just want to use you” or “Women want to trap you”? These thoughts reflect what you actually believe.
All these beliefs create an energy signature around us and when we meet new people, they subconsciously pick up on this energy. If you have negative beliefs about men, women or relationships in general, you will repel rather than attract a new partner.
So, let’s start with the internal dialogue. Can you start to notice happy couples and instead of turning green with envy, can you say to yourself: “If it’s possible for them, it’s possible for me too.”
Start making small changes like saying YES to more invitations to social or networking events. If it’s your habit to walk with your head down and not take in your surroundings, try smiling more often and make eye contact with people.
Just this simple change will send out a new energy signature. You are open to meeting new people and it is actually safe for that stranger to approach you.
If you are in a relationship, change little things, like taking a minute to hug your partner when they walk into the house.
If you’ve been focusing on what they do wrong, try showing appreciation for the things they do for you and you will find that they do more of the things that you like. It only takes one person to shift the dynamic of a relationship.
If you want to lose 20kg, and you’ve been a couch potato, instead of trying to work out for an hour at the gym and giving up on day 2 because you are too sore to go back, start walking for 15 minutes 3 times a week. Enjoy it. Take in the scenery.
Try different routes. Invite a friend to go along. Then when you can gradually increase your time and pace until you feel your heart rate escalate and you break into a sweat.
Instead of embarking on a restrictive diet, try eating one healthy meal every day and as you start enjoying this feeling of taking charge of your health, it becomes easier to extend the healthy eating to 2 and then all meals.
Change your habits and you will change your life and that’s the way to fulfil your new year resolutions. In the process, you grow as a person. You get to know a really special person, which is YOU.
So, I challenge you today especially if you have reneged on your resolutions, to change one habit in any area of your life.
If you practise any new behaviour for at least 21 days, it becomes a habit. In the first 21 days, you will have to practise it consciously but once it becomes a habit, it becomes a new unconscious behaviour.
Exactly like driving a car. You have to first be very conscious of every action but sooner or later you drive from one location to another on autopilot.
Don’t start with an area of your life where you are feeling anxiety. You will be more resistant to change.
Start with something simple and once you have turned a new behaviour into a habit, you now know and understand the process.
You have faith and proof that change is possible. Then tackle the more challenging areas of your life. Become your best self.
Kas Naidoo is a relationship coach and matchmaker. She can be contacted via [email protected]