The definition of what is considered ‘beautiful’, changes over time. At one point, a voluptuous figure with full, round hips was considered beautiful.
At a later time, a supermodel’s size 28 was considered beautiful. Another more recent definition is perfect symmetry. We are often conditioned by magazines and Hollywood as to what is beautiful. But how important are looks when you’re looking for a partner?
Most people, even those who look gorgeous to anyone who looks at them, have some body part that they feel insecure about.
From ‘My nose is too big’, ‘My hair is disappearing earlier than I anticipated’, ‘I’m too short’, ‘I’m overweight, no one will ever look at me’ to ‘I’m too skinny’ and a myriad of other insecurities.
When you’re looking for a partner, there is a big difference between objective beauty, which is purely based on outward appearance, and perceived beauty, which is the overall package.
Perceived beauty takes into consideration your personality, your sense of confidence, your entire demeanour, the way you move, the way you speak and your overall energy. It’s what makes you unique. It cannot be replicated.
A person’s looks is a very sensitive topic, and I say everything I do with the utmost respect with no judgement as I do believe that every person is beautiful. However, what we do with what we’ve been given is entirely up to us.
If you’re overweight, an expensive handbag or lots of make-up will not compensate for the fact that you are not taking care of yourself.
Let’s face it gentlemen, a beer belly is not attractive either. A sloppy appearance tells a story that you don’t consider yourself important enough to make the effort. So why would someone else, make you a priority.
Having fabulous looks, but a shallow, self-centred personality, will get you the attention but not the deeply, meaningful relationship. Having the great personality with a sloppy appearance will get you good friends but again not the romance you dream about.
Many people are quite adamant that they want to be accepted as they are and will not change for anyone. If you are doing the very best, with what you have been given, that attitude may be warranted. If, however, you are not making any effort, then you are sabotaging yourself with that kind of thinking.
When you meet a new person, it’s easy to figure out quite quickly whether they are a giver or a taker. If one person is solely focused on their own needs and has a long list of demands, it becomes very unattractive no matter how beautiful they may look on the outside.
A giver is someone who comes across as caring, loving and willing to be a part of a mutually-beneficial relationship. They have their standards but also have a lot to offer.
So how do we play the game of life and love, being our absolute best? If you’ve been single for a while and really not sure why, take the next 30 days and turn yourself into your number one project. Look at yourself objectively. Do you need to drop a few pounds? Start walking, join a group or get a personal trainer to help you.
Do your clothes suit your body type and personality? Can you get a friend with great fashion sense to go shopping with you? Do you have a tiny, squeaky voice? Can you get some voice lessons? Can you get some make-up tips from someone who always looks well put-together? Can you join a dance class to get your confidence up?
We are creatures of connection and the majority of us want to matter to one significant person. We want to share our lives and our dreams with someone we love and cherish.
So, give yourself a chance at attracting a great, quality person by offering them the best of you. Looks matter as we all have an idea of what we find attractive and chemistry is a vitally important part of any romantic relationship.
When you take care of yourself, you send out a message that you matter. When you meet someone you are attracted to, your confidence will allow you to be vulnerable and connect on a heart level.
When you feel good about yourself and you know that you have a lot to offer, your confidence shines through and that is immensely attractive. Be your best self as this is what you deserve to give to yourself first, before you let someone in to be a part of your life.
Kas Naidoo is a relationship coach and matchmaker. She can be contacted via [email protected]